Feedback on Script ( ww2 film )


#1

So i wrote a short script for a movie that I will be shooting in 2 days and I want to get some feedback.

A soldier walks trough a field on a muddy day. He suddenly hears a click beneath him. He realizes that he has stepped on a mine. He then starts to panic and look around. He sees big stone one meter in front of him. The soldier does his best to reach it, it is too far away. He then reaches for his rifle. The man gently pulls up his foot and puts the stone on the mine. He then smiles and walks for one second before we hear another click. His face turns to sadness again as he sees that he has stepped on another mine. We see a wide shot of the man standing in the field. Boom! A cloud of smoke rises. The mine has exploded.


#2

Missing the part between grabbing the rifle and putting the rock on the mine. I assume he uses the rifle to get the rock.

I can’t really fault your script for what it is, there’s just not much to do different. (Maybe proper script form, but there’s not all that much more to do with it). I guess it’s all about how you’re going to portray this in an interesting way now.