First Comedy Sketch I Wrote and Directed!


#1

#2

Hey Daichi, great hearing from you!

Really nice work with the short; I enjoyed it a lot! :stuck_out_tongue:

If you’re looking for feedback on it, I have a couple general thoughts - overall I thought your sound was quite good, but the dialogue level is a little low during some of the music, so it might be hard to hear depending on what you’re watching it on. Also, the guy farthest to the left had nice, clear dialogue, but the other two (especially the guy on the sofa) felt a bit muddy at times, which can be brightened up with a little mid-high EQ boost. I also think once your score fades out in the mid-section, you could use a little more room presence to make the space still feel quiet, but a little less “artificially” quiet. Pretty good-sounding overall though!

I’m not sure the strong lens effect / chromatic aberration thing is really adding much - it’s a cool effect in and of itself, but narrative-wise I don’t really see what it’s adding to the short, so it arguably becomes a bit of a distracting look.

Overall, I feel like you could cut this more brutally and lose about a full minute - while it’s funny throughout, I feel like the piece as a whole would play stronger if you trimmed down a few jokes, and had it clock in closer to three minutes. There’s not a lot that jumps out at me as egregiously in need of cutting, but overall it just feels a little slow, and finding ways to tighten it might help.

Really nice work on this one, hence my notes all being fairly specific nitpicky stuff; don’t take it as a negative! Great to see you doing more stuff! :smile:


#3

Hey Kevin,
Thank you so much for your critique! I totally agree with what you’re saying and sound is an area I’m trying to improve on. I’ve been following you and Rocket Jump’s work for the last couple of years and I’ve learned so much from you guys!
Again, I really appreciate your time critiquing my work.

-Daichi


#4

I think the actors are funny, and its a funny well written script. I agree with Kevin_senzaki about everything. I think the most important thing to change would be the lens effect thing. This is a really small thing but when your tilting and stuff, unless you have a sholder mount or something, I think it's better to use a tripod, with a fluid head if you have it. Im talking about when your walking out of the P.F Changs and you tilt from the P.F Changs name to the actors, its a little rough, but not a big deal.