Nice work! I really enjoyed watching this, and I think you did a great job telling a large-scale story through a focused, limited perspective that works within your means. Great stuff!
As it’s very dialogue-driven, I do think you could probably lose a minute or two off the run-time to just tighten things up and shorten up some moments that might be a bit redundant, moreso in the first half.
Here’s some more specific thoughts; mostly sound-related ones as you might expect from me
The news TV stuff is a cool way to fill in necessary exposition, but this should be as short as possible. I feel like you probably abbreviated something at 1:02, but the white flash felt jarring as-is. I wonder if having some b-roll would help cover for cuts in this section? Also, we see flashes for photographers’ cameras (great touch!), but it being a movie, I’d love to hear a little of that to make the newsroom feel populated, even if you realistically wouldn’t hear it on a broadcast.
The dialogue scene starting at 1:28 feels really quiet in particular; your production audio is pretty clean, but having a background ambiance or drone under it would help the scene hang together better for sound, and can be used to add a bit of underlying tension. It’s very uncommon to have a scene without a background of some kind, even if it’s not supposed to be noticed by the audience. Just as a random reference, this bit from The Dark Knight has an added air conditioning / ventilation hum under the start, and then once the lights go on, buzzing is also introduced (though it fades out eventually to avoid becoming too distracting). A lot of this kind soft background work can subliminally suggest a lot about the room and (emotional) temperature of a scene, even in the most mundane, common settings, and can help suggest a feeling to the audience just like music, even if the scene has none.
At around 4:35 the dialogue levels seem to drop lower. Mix-wise, you want to be hitting pretty consistent levels throughout the whole film! For an online release, I think the film as a whole could be louder; dialogue can maybe live around -10 to -5 dB consistently. I almost always make final judgments by ear rather than meter though, unless I have to conform to a specific volume standard, which is probably way too technical to worry about right now
I love the audio transition around 5:40 with the backgrounds coming in early! I think a lower drone or hum under this whole scene would add more power and weight to the location.
6:13 I’d love to hear SFX for the knobs turning and the meters adjusting.
6:48 Sound effect for the blinking light (I know this is ridiculous, but since it’s a tight shot and it’s meant to draw our attention, it usually warrants a sound cue).
7:11 The scene end here has an audible “pop” on the cut; having very quick fade ins and outs on your audio here will get rid of that. As a general rule, having a very short fade, even a frame or less, on all your audio cuts will help avoid these pops from happening.
7:19 The car door slam feels kind of boomy, like the microphone was inside the car. (That was probably the case; the dialogue sounds pretty good!) In a situation like this, I’d layer in another car door slam sound effect on top of the production sound, to get some of that brighter, higher-frequency crispness it’s lacking as-is.
7:31 A door beep and/or lock click for the key card opening the door.
8:00 Great sound effects work here! Love this whole section; the phone filter on Tom’s voice also works great and makes it really eerie.
8:29 - Foley for the footsteps running down the hall here - it’s a dramatic moment, and the sound of him running could work almost to musical effect, building the tension.