Misery at my doorstep ( A Short Narrative Film)


#1

Hello everyone, I shot this short film at the beginning of this year with intentions to submit to festivals. The only problem is, I don’t think it’s worthy enough but with that said I believe it provided for great experience. I am looking for honest critique that I could use for future projects since reshooting this isn’t necessarily an option. If you think it could be shorter (It stands at 15min 3 sec) then please feel free to let me know! Thank you for your time. We shot on a Sony A7sII With a Canon 24-70 1.8L lens and Metabones Adapter
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Logline: An apathetic young man, Ronnie, is left home alone for the weekend. Upon receiving some bad news, Ronnie is visited by a mysterious woman who shakes his reality and forces him to confront his true self.


15 min narrative short (festival worthy?)
#2

I think you had very clear intentions for yourself with every scene, but it doesn’t all come over as a coherent story to me. It lacks narative clarity, especially towards the end, where it is very unclear to me what you’re trying to say or what even is happening.

I think you would benefit from telling more of your story visually rather than through dialogue, for example that he loves his grandpa. Other than him holding that picture, which I couldn’t really see very well what was on it, and him saying that he cares for his grandpa there is no real visual proof that he cares. And then we are thrown into his fever dream turned nightmare where a sickly charicature of his grandpa accuses him of not caring. I think that would have come on a lot more strongly and emotionaly damaging if it was better established before what his grandpa means to him. Perhaps through a flashback of sunnier times in his youth when he was with his grandpa while he tells about it. That would give a strong contrast that, I think, better shows his emotional turmoil.

But that could be completely wrong, it is merely an idea. What I think is more important is that you try to be as clear as possible for your audience unless you intend to confuse them. Because it’s not enough if you understand what you mean if that doesn’t translate.

I haven’t gone to a lot of film festivals, neither big nor small ones, but I think this might still be eligible if you can find the right festival. But if you want to focus on the next project then that definitely isn’t a terrible idea either and I wish you the best of luck.


#3

Ah thank you! I understand what you mean and I would say my biggest problem was that I wasn’t exactly sure how to make Ronnie’ connection to his grandfather stronger. I appreciate the kind words. I basically was trying to say that the woman, Em, was the emotion of Misery personified, the way she treated ronnie was the way you might treat yourself in a depressive state or something and when she went into the light, She was exposed for what she really was. A snake. A nasty creature. The girl at the end was maybe happiness. This is what I was trying to convey but I will definitely try harder to make it clearer for the audience in the future. I wanted to leave questions but maybe I just went about it the wrong way. Thank you again!