Need Feedback for my Short Film - How well does it connect and what should've I done better?


#1

Hi guys. I made this short film recently. I directed/shot/ and edited this film. How well did I perform in all these departments and please mind that I am still a beginner filmmaker so any of your constructive feedback would really help me grow and became a better overall filmmaker. Thanks :slight_smile: https://YouTube.com/FilmersLounge - My Channel
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zV_rK6oCfPQ


#2

Hey @AsliHarsh, I thought your film was great! You did so many things well. You had some great performances from your actors. You got some really dramatic shots with great light. Your sound was great.

Nice job!

Honestly I can’t offer much in the way of feedback; you’re out of my league. The only thing that struck me when I was watching was that around 5:20, during the most energetic/frenetic moment in the film, you’re building all of this energy and all of a sudden it all just stops…and dissipates. It gets quiet. The camera stays still. It gets almost peaceful. I’d imagine that’s counter to the feeling you’re trying to create, no?

In any case, really great work! Congrats, and thanks for sharing with us!


#3

Thanks Daniel for taking the time out and watching it. Loved reading your thought about it. The matter about that build up thing is I had already used shaky hand held shots for showing the disruption caused by that bad guy and if I had continued doing the same even right after he left it would’ve looked weird I think. Thanks again for your comment. :slight_smile:


#4

That’s a fair point. I’m not much of a cinematographer, so I couldn’t tell you one way or the other.

What about other ways to influence the mode, thought? Like sound? You have super intense music going, the two actors are yelling, and everything feels very tense and melodramatic…but then you cut to the insert of the sketchbook and the music stops and it gets quiet, you know? Do you think there would be a way to keep up the intensity with sound if you think the image couldn’t have been changed?

Really minor point, to be sure. I’m just curious what you think!


#5

@Daniel
Sorry for late reply. Actually till that point we didn’t reveal that our protagonist has been sketching shoes/boots and is obsessed by them so I wanted to have a moment of silence there because both the antagonist and the audience are taken aback in that situation as per me (antagonist and audience both would’ve been wait, what? why is his sketchbook filled with shoes, why is he so obsessed with them, is he crazy?). Again that’s what I thought. Do let me know if you feel its justified or not.


#6

Your take on it would be amazing :slight_smile: @FreddieW @Matt @Lauren @Kevin_Senzaki @DezDolly @JoeyScoma @JonSalmon


#7

Since film is pretty darn subjective, I can’t tell you what’s right or wrong…only how it made me feel. I totally get what you’re saying, and that reasoning makes sense to me. Personally, when I watched it, it didn’t land the way you wanted for me, but that’s not to say that it didn’t have the desired effect for others. Don’t take my single opinion too seriously!


#8

This was a visual delight. Every set piece was intricate, the makeup was great and most of the acting was solid.

However there are a couple things to touch on here that no one has really brought up yet.
Story and sound. Two of the most important parts of a film in my opinion.

So I’ll break down this story as I understand it:
* The man is poor and makes art
* His art makes other people happy
* A man comes up to him and makes him feel like garbage for being poor and about his love of art and simultaneously desperation for shoes
* he’s hurt and contemplates it, “am I worthless?” But he’s able to bring himself back to peace when he realizes his art makes other people happy and decides to make himself happy by visualizing himself with shoes on

It all seems touching but doesn’t actually go the full 9 to make it so, and so it comes off as slightly contrived to me. This tends to happen when the conceit of a story is more internal or symbolical than practical.

Bare Bones
Goal, Conflict, Overcoming conflict, cost, and Change. (a couple of important story factors, not all inclusive)

Mainly I feel there were issues with cost and change.

The way he overcame conflict was with his art, realizing that it makes other people happy and deciding to do that for himself. It’s a beautiful and symbolic message. But not by itself. It seemed it was given to him by the writer and not earned at a cost.

Every person must pay a price to learn a lesson, we don’t overcome adversity by just realizing something. Sometimes we need to lose something or change a bad (or good) thing about ourselves to truly learn or understand something. All those elements, well-realized, is where a lot of that empathy comes from. How you build real people. You had a good character, but I don’t think you had a fully developed person.

Perhaps if that asshole in the white destroyed his art and he tried to redraw them only to realize that his art made others happy and he didn’t need to be like everyone else or he had to sell his supplies and art for shoes only to realize art was the thing that made him happy and he learned to accept himself-- Something more tangible, in my opinion, would have given your message a lot more weight.

Sound
As far as your sound goes, that was another huge disconnecting factor for me. It took me in and out of your film multiple times. It looked good but the ADR and sound effects didn’t match the quality of what I was seeing. Lots of reverb in those recordings, I could tell when you were looping/reusing sounds effects but your ambiance was pretty on point, which helped a bit. I understand we don’t always have the best resources and some people are better at other things. Perhaps you could have made it work without dialogue and just ambiance and non-diagetic sounds? Visuals were your strong suit here, maybe you could use that to your advantage in the future.

Take all this with a grain of salt. It can be hard to pull off drama. Acting saved a lot of what you had here. But if you ever plan on screening this I’d recommend retouching that sound. It’s an immediate indicator of someone who doesn’t know what they’re doing. Despite the issues I had I think you did fantastic job on this and wish you luck with your next film!


#9

Thank you so much man. Really solid observation and I absolutely agree with you. I would try to work harder on my these aspects of filmmaking and hopefully make better films in the future. Again thank you for taking the time out for watching my film and giving such an amazing feedback. Appreciate it :slight_smile:


#10

I enjoyed your film a lot. It was beautifully shot and composed.
The opening had me hooked with the fire, sketches and sound design, you’ve done a great job setting the tone.
This short feels more emotionally driven then story driven, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing.
However the emotional climax of the story for me was when he gave the sketch to the vendor. So perhaps if that came after the encounter with the man in white, the joy he passes onto others lift his spirits from being artistically oppressed and discouraged.
I don’t know if that helps at all, you’ve made a great short here, Bravo.


#11

Thanks Joey. Thanks a lot :slight_smile:


#12

I really enjoyed this film.

Only criticism I have really is that some f the translations in the subtitles seemed a little off.

Other than that it was all spot to on.