Ok, let’s see. I don’t mind violence, nudity, vulgarity, these are given with the genre I think and they can be used smartly and efficiently just like any other device. I think we Europeans are more relaxed with these stuff, especially nudity, I always find it weird how much aggression and violence gets tolerated, but even if one female nipple or man-butt is shown, that alone warrants a different rating
The funny thing is, Bud Spencer and Terence Hill are our adopted national heroes, so I’ve been unknowingly a fan of Corbucci since I was a child, those later movies were huge in Hungary in the 90s, but I had read all Lord of the Rings books before the movies, so I like all kinds of western and fantasy, lately I’ve been enjoying Sapkowski’s dark, or grey fantasy Witcher universe.
I found your style easy to read even as English is my second language, it conveyed information well. What I got from it is that you use modern language, not some archaic mode like in some fantasies. (I will bring out the Witcher a lot if you don’t mind :D) In the Witcher for example, the poor people or the royalty speak in this archaic manner, the dwarves with a thick accent, so the Witcher characters’, especially Geralt’s grounded, modern accent stands out as they are the most grounded, technological, and modern characters in that universe (Ciri, Geralt’s daughter can even shift between universes and hints that she was living in a quite modern world for half a year).
When the character named Fritz was collecting the tax I was reminded of a scene from the Walking Dead when one of the Saviors’ groups were collecting their “tax” from a settlement, and the leader of this collecting unit was a POS character just like this Fritz. So it definitely has that modern feel for me, I don’t mean it as a critique, it can be a really good stylistic choice.
The logline was great to get my attention, so if I’m not mistaken this Fritz will be that spirit that will haunt Myrin, so it will be a kind of opposites attract story where they challenge, test, and change each other for the better during their adventure? It screams great comedy for me, so I hope it will be more of an adventure comedy with great character drama. But that’s just what I got from the logline alone, it’s completely your choice and I’m interested to see where you’re going with it Myrin seems determinant but a bit stuck up, I think that was intentional, and Fritz seems like a complete sexist dick, so I’m double intrigued how will you expand their characters along the way.
If I can recommend to you something, then watch or play through the Witcher 3 - Hears of Stone expansion’s Vlodimir von Everec storyline called Dead Man’s Party. Geralt has to entertain the deceased Vlod’s spirit for a night so he summons him and they go to a wedding together. It has maybe the franchise’s funniest but still thoughtful and fulfilling story. Geralt is this stuck up loner fighter but Vlod is this arrogant, big-talking bandit, and he can take control of Geralt when he pleases, and in the game you get the freedom to take place in the wedding with lots of funny situations with even an added love interest story done absolutely well. And with that you get to know Vlod better, you eventually learn about his tragedy, his demons, and stuff like that. I enjoyed that kind of character dynamic, you should check it out, even if you’re doing something completely different, it can give you insights.
Here it is, I set the time to where it starts:
One more feeling I got from this is I want to know more of this ritual that she had to go through, why she needed to dance around naked with the broken sword, who are these gods, what are these Paladins, etc. So basically it got me interested in the lore, that’s a good thing.
These are my initial thoughts, keep up the good work!